Creating Labels and Respect

What do you do?

It’s one of the most common questions I get.  And I know how I used to answer the question—how everyone answers the question—as if we’re being asked what job position we hold.  I can tick off my recent labels (or, more to the point, what I did): customer service representative, office clerk, editor, sales representative, barista, tutor, counselor, cashier, etc.  The common factor of all these labels, of course, is that they came with a paycheck.  Now, what do I do?  Well, I’m unemployed.

As my husband enters his second year of medical school, I enter my second year of unemployment.  He is one of thousands of students to attend a medical school in the Caribbean and I am one of the many spouses to be included in this journey—a journey that has ultimately proven less relaxing than anticipated.

Getting my hands on a work visa in the Caribbean turned out to be almost impossible; available jobs were few and highly competitive.  So I, along with so many others in my position, adopted the responsibilities of the stay-at-home spouse to a busy medical student.

What’s wrong with that?

Absolutely nothing.  But there is still a stigma that surrounds the traditional housewife role.  When I get the “What do you do?” question and try explaining my role as a housewife, I’m met with the expected eye roll and accompanying “Oh give me a break!  You live in paradise and lay on the beach all day!”  Why does labeling myself a housewife also tack on the obligatory labels: lazy, spoiled and pretentious?

Because everyone wants and has been led to believe that being the spouse of a doctor is synonymous with oodles of wealth and carefree living.  And a second, more concerning misconception is assuming being in medical school is the same as being a practicing physician.

After running into this unintentional (yet irritating nevertheless) series of misunderstandings time and time again, I’ve made it a point to lead conversations about what exactly it is that I do in a positive and often enlightening direction.  And when my half of the conversation is met with an impressed “I had no idea,” I know I’ve succeeded.

So what do I do?

Well, right now I am a housewife, which entails an awful lot.  Beyond cooking healthy meals for my family and keeping our home organized and tidy, I am a primary source of support for my husband while he wades through hours of lectures and mountains of notes; I play the role of patient so he can practice his bedside manner and blood pressure readings; I maintain our finances so he doesn’t have to add to his concerns; I wake up before sunrise and go to the gym with him so we can stay healthy physically as well as mentally.  In the community, I volunteer with children and animals; I’m an active member in multiple school-related organizations and even serve on the executive board of one; I lead a book club; I’m on a kickball team.  I keep a detailed and regularly updated blog.  I paint for recreation and minimal income.  I’m a photographer.  I’ve just begun knitting this year.  And I’m a friend to a lot of other people in the very same position.

So ask me again, what do I do, and I’ll tell you: wife, chef, maid, counselor, advisor, pseudo-patient, financial accountant, trainer, trainee, volunteer, board member, reader, writer, athlete, painter, photographer, knitter, friend.

I do a lot and it’s important to me that others recognize this as part of my role in a marriage with a medical student.  This is not the easy, lazy life popularly portrayed by the media.  It’s hard work and creating my own labels is helping others to understand that as well.  I hope everyone in my position takes pride in the work they put forth and can create their own labels.

Guest Post Contributor: Allison Gray

Read more at…AllisonAwayFromHome